She said her name was "party"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
