i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
