I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
