Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
