I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
