think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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