Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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