One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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