Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize