It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
smell my finger.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
