she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
As shirtless as possible
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize