Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
