im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
