Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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