It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
