The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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