Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
