I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
