perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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