i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
