i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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