Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
