Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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