DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
