Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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