This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
be right there i have to get my cape
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize