Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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