You're a womanizer and a bitch.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
