Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
