your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize