put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hippo gnu deer
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
