you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
