i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
