Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize