I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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