Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i believe in u and ur pee
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
