His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
