i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
