Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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