I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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