dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
