You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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