I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
