i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
