4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
