Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
