my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
we should paint friendship bongs
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