there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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