every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
