Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
