well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
