I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Someone came in the potted fern
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
