I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
