I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
