U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
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