we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize