I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
that is very illegal...i love you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
