I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize