You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
