I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
