Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
