I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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