ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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