Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
