and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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