i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So much rum. So many feels.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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