Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
