hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
