You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
