i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
