There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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