I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have aggressive nipples.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
