Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
