I could make wine with my vomit
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
