My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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