Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she peed on how many people?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
