O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
