i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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