Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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